Ship Simulator Extremes

One of the criticisms levied against 2008's seminal Ship Simulator 2008 was that, despite the plethora of pilotable floaters, the several sailable oceans, the numerous docks and the faithfully recreated waterways, boating just wasn't "extreme" enough. Sure, your heart might skip a beat as your prow gingerly strokes the edge of a jetty, you might even have gasped in mild horror as another ship came within one hundred metres of your own, but there was nothing in Ship Simulator 2008 that could honestly be described as "extreme".

So what have we got with Ship Simulator Extremes? Bomb-defusal on the Titanic? Bond-grade stunt runs with ramps and explosions? A mission to discreetly ferry drugs and hookers on to a presidential yacht? None of these, really. What we have are relative extremes which, when you consider that the original Ship Simulator set "floating in a straight line" as a thrilling standard, aren't nearly as exciting as you'd hope. There are a couple of races, to be fair, but nothing too taxing - we are still, sadly, comfortably inside the realms of the mundane.

The campaigns focus at first on the exploits of Greenpeace activists, the tirelessly meddling but well-meaning protectors of the ocean. Ostensibly, these missions see you unmooring (by clicking on your moor points until all the ropes disappear) before sailing off to sea, finding whatever evil corporations are dumping oil on seabirds that day, chasing them for a while with your dinghy until they're embarrassed enough to stop, and then sailing home for some quorn and a nap. Some missions allow you to use your dinghy's water cannon, an uncontrollable jet of justice-bringing H2O, while sometimes you'll be avoiding the water cannons of others.

The two remaining campaigns feature a cruise liner (here, "extreme" means size rather than speed) and a series of tugboat and action missions. Variety is hampered by the lack of available mechanics - you're essentially limited to your water jet, your ability to deploy smaller boats, and your towing and mooring lines. And that's Ship Simulator's greatest problem - ships simply can't do many interesting or exciting things. A simulator that fully explored the minutia of ship operations in a robust engine could avoid tedium through sheer force of detail, but Ship Simulator 2008 was too basic to bring much joy to the defiantly relaxed pace of sailing, and Ship Simulator Extremes builds on that uncertain ground.

That means we're still labouring under awkward boat controls, unconvincing physics, a fiddly interface and bleak visuals. Token, fan-service additions such as extra ports and locations will mean nothing to the lay player, and the limitations of the engine lead to the same game-breaking conceits we've dealt with before. The engine's inability to stream one map into another, for example, leads to brief pauses when leaving waterways and entering oceans - you simply teleport from one to another, as if you've fallen asleep at the wheel and woken up a hundred miles out to sea.

Ridiculous too is your inability to speed up time in-game, instead you use the map screen to set waypoints and accelerate time. Returning to the boat view reveals your boat in its new location, albeit mysteriously stationary. A niggling problem, sure, but it contributes to an overall feeling of ropiness that pervades Ship Simulator Extreme. Clipping and physics problems plague the engine, which is a concern when some missions challenge you to navigate busy waterways. Contact with other boats or scenery, especially at speed, can give some unexpected results.

In moving away from its stoic simulator roots Ship Simulator Extremes succeeds only in revealing the series' deep set limitations. It's neither extreme enough to attract the attentions of those who would otherwise turn their nose up at boats, nor is it concerned enough with realism to hold the attentions of floating fanatics. It instead occupies an awkward middle ground while continuing to offer the scuffed production values that tend to accompany niche interest titles. Ship Simulator Extremes shows a great deal of heart (its Greenpeace campaign is replete with interviews with real Greenpeace ship captains with real beards and everything), but the charming shoddiness of Ship Simulator Extremes isn't nearly charming enough to warrant a purchase.