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      Gamereactor
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      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters

      This week's Top 7 is all about the characters that get under your skin.

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      "You can't get along with everybody," sounds like something my dad would say, if he said that sort of thing. And he'd have been right, if he's said it. Which he didn't.

      There are some people out there that are just impossible to get on with. They're everywhere. Inescapable and vast in number.

      The world of gaming is no different. The unlikeables are out there, waiting to annoy the hell out you, to rub you up the wrong way, to stick their stupid heads in your line of sight during chaotic gun fights, getting themselves killed and forcing countless restarts and failed objectives in the process.

      Here are seven characters that, in recent years, have got right on my nerves.

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      1. Patroklos - Soul Calibur V

      There aren't many characters more deplorable than Patroklos from Soul Calibur V. He starts off the game murdering people, just because he can. He doesn't feel remorse, and he never really apologises for his murderous crimes. He does lighten up a little towards the end of the campaign, but by the time he's made the transformation from ruthless murderer to hero, it's difficult to empathise with the character. He whinges and moans, and has a strange relationship with his sister. All in all, a thoroughly unlikeable chap.

      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters
      By the time he stops being an insufferable moron, it's too late.

      2. Desmond - Assassin's Creed

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      Poor old Desmond. All he ever wanted was to be a barman. It was his hope, his dream; cruelly snatched from him by those pesky Templars. Desmond is inserted into the Animus, a machine that allows genetic memories to be explored. Here we meet Desmond's ancestors, each of them a kick-ass assassin from the past. The awesomeness of running over buildings and plunging blades into the necks of evildoers is a stark contrast to the limp, ineffectual actions of Desmond. For my money, Assassin's Creed games would be much more enjoyable if we didn't have to endure the painful experience of constantly returning to the present and its limp-wristed protagonist.

      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters
      Desmond and Shaun chat in the basement. Yawn.

      3. Kaiden Alenko - Mass Effect

      Kaiden Alenko should've died on Vermire. Instead it was Ashley who bit the bullet. Kaiden, it should've been you! Why oh why? There's nothing inherently wrong with the character, but yet I find my Alenko-hate bubbling under the surface every time he appears on my screen. When he's not complaining, he's disagreeing with Shepherd, or pulling a gun on him/her, or getting himself beaten to a pulp. Thoroughly ineffective and whiney.

      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters
      He might be standing behind you Shepherd, but has he got your back?

      4. Dan Marshall - Binary Domain

      Sexist and meathead, are the first words that spring to mind when I think of Dan Marshall, the lead protagonist in Sega's recent sci-fi shooter, Binary Domain. The premise behind the game is solid, invoking several sci-fi masterpieces in its theme and story, and the combat's pretty good too. It's a shame, then, that the lead character is such an unlikeable dick. Whether he's being abrasive to his friends, or patronising to the female members of the squad, it's almost impossible to have any positive feelings about him. The fact that some of his lines are relatively amusing is the only thing that stopped his obtuse personality being a game-breaker.

      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters
      Go on, pull the trigger.

      5. Detective Cole Phelps - L.A. Noire

      He might have moral fibre, but you wouldn't take Detective Phelps out for a beer and a chin wag. On one hand he's a crusading cop, fighting crime the right way in amongst all the corruption and underhand dealings of 1940's L.A. For that he should be respected. On the other hand he's a philandering, cowardly, goody-two-shoes of a man, dour and abrasive, and certainly not the type of fellow one should ever contemplate socialising with.

      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters
      I'm sorry to say Cole, nobody likes you.

      6. Lara Croft

      Think about what Lara Croft actually does in a game, when you actually boil it down... That's right, she pinches priceless artefacts and shoots things/people. Sure she might have a posh English accent and a spacious mansion, but that doesn't change the reality of her actions when it's all said and done. On top of that, it's impossible to keep count of all the rare and exotic species that Lara's single-handedly made extinct through the judicious use of illegal firearms plucked from the corpses of all the men she's killed. Tut tut.

      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters
      "But wait, I'm on the endangered species list..."

      7. Every Escort Mission. Ever.

      I hate escort missions. All of them. But it almost always seems to be more painful when the undead are around. Ashley Graham from Resident Evil 4, and the entire cast of Dead Rising spring to mind straight away. Also, Natalya from GoldenEye (the original - they had the good sense to do away with those sections in the recent remake) was an almost intolerable frustration. I lost count of the the amount of times I accidentally shot that woman in the back of the head.

      A special mention also needs to go out to Bethesda, who riddle their games with moronic idiots who insist on following you around and getting you into constant fights with bandits, bears and other such creatures. I just stopped bothering with them in the end.

      Top 7 Unlikeable Characters
      Ashley, I wish we'd never met.


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